


What's Done Cannot Be Undone

by WithACommaAfterDearest



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 03:00:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7740796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WithACommaAfterDearest/pseuds/WithACommaAfterDearest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m just, um, talking to you because… well… my counter is at 00:00:00:00? So… well… are you my soulmate?”<br/>Alexander gapes at her for a minute and his eyes flit instinctively to his wrist, which is thankfully covered by a sleeve. He can feel the icky sensation of wrong rush through his body, painting his cheeks ghostly white.<br/>He lies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's Done Cannot Be Undone

Alexander’s wrist tingles, almost a single vibration, and he absentmindedly palms the sensation away before returning to his book.

“Hi, um, hi.” 

There’s a girl.

She’s nervous, clearly, bubbling over with giddiness and trying to hide her smile with fingers, nails delicately filed to a perfect crescent.

“I’m just, um, talking to you because… well… my counter is at 00:00:00:00? So… well… are you my soulmate?”

Alexander gapes at her for a minute and his eyes flit instinctively to his wrist, which is thankfully covered by a sleeve. He can feel the icky sensation of wrong rush through his body, painting his cheeks ghostly white.

He lies.

“Well, I mean I checked it last night and I still had a good year left, so.” Her face falls. Guilt pools into his stomach, mingled with a hint of relief. “Sorry.”

“Oh.” Comprehension, disappointment, maybe one last glimmer of hope. “I mean, they are prone to sudden change, right? Could you just…” Check again, she means.  
Alexander lifts his wrist and turns it over to expose the delicate underside. He pulls down his sleeve, making sure to keep it out of the girl’s range of sight. 

00:00:00:00.

“Yup, still a year. Good luck finding your soulmate, though!” Alexander says brightly.

Her smile wobbles as she takes in the empty park surrounding them and glances despairingly at her timer. “OK. Well, um, I’m Eliza, in case you were,” her voice breaks. “Wondering.”

She walks away sedately and even though Alexander tries to ignore her, he can see in the hunch of her shoulders and the curve of her back and the gasps he can clearly hear that she’s crying.  
______________________________________________________________________________

Alexander glues a smile onto his face and ducks his head in the doorway.

“Hey, Laurens!”

Laurens has a huge smile on his face, a huge slice of cake on his plate, and a huge mound of presents in the corner. His funnel-shaped party hat is a little askew and the two six packs on the table are looking a smidgen low, but he looks like he’s having the time of his life.

Mulligan tosses Alexander a beer and he catches it gratefully. He’s tempted to drain the whole thing, but figures he’d better pace himself since the party is likely to last long into the night.

Ever the concerned parent, Lafayette asks him if he’s OK, but he’s too tipsy to actually require an answer so Alexander could get away with ignoring him.

Blue sundress. Stickers on her counter. Brown ponytail bobbing away.

Hamilton finishes his drink and reaches for another.

Laurens has just finished opening the gift from Alexander and Alex remembers dimly that, oh yeah, he was proud of his present and it’s something good but he can’t for the life of him remember what it is.

It’s a turtle. In a small cage. Taped on top are some pamphlets about the care and feeding.

“Aw, man!” Laurens is delighted, possibly in part because of how inebriated he is but Alexander is grateful for the enthusiasm as he’s given a hug and a gushing “This is why I love you, Alex.”

There’s a curl of something hot and sweet that flicks through Alexander’s belly, but it’s stamped out quickly when he remembers Eliz- That Girl- and how That Girl held her wrist out so proudly, so certain she had found her love.  
______________________________________________________________________________

“You son of a bitch.” Alexander is smacked to the side and his cheek burns like it had been licked by flame. 

There’s a girl in front of him. Anger is spilling out of her eyes, her hand is fluttering in the air like she’s debating slapping him again, and her other hand is propped on her hip.

“I think you have the wrong-”

“I know you lied. I know Eliza’s your soulmate,” she interrupts. “I’m Angelica? Her sister?” She shakes her head in disgust. “Let me see your timer.”

“Hey!” Alex yelps, panic taking over as she grabs his wrist and drags up his sleeve.

00:00:00:00.

Her eyes gleam with fury. “I knew it. I knew it.”

“I just met my soulmate,” Alex protests. “It vibrated then I met my real soulmate, I swear!” The fib goes down easier this time. This girl seems a lot sharper than her sister, hard edges and stinging palms and he feels less guilty about lying to a girl who slapped him before introducing herself.

“Really? What’s the name of this soulmate?”

“John! My soulmate is John Laurens.”

“Wow. Great imagination there. Does he have a sister named Jane?”

“We’re… we’re to be married this week. I met him only a day or two after I met Eli-” he stutters over the name but forges through. “Eliza. You know the law- after you meet your soulmate you have to marry in under a month.”

“It’s a ridiculous law. And I think the counters are ridiculous, too.”

A flicker of a grin traces at Alex’s lips.

“Me, too. See? We have something in common.”

“Shut up. Where’s your ring, asshole?”

“Um, well, we haven't gotten them yet…”

“Shut up. Spare me your excuses. My sister knew you were here, you know.” Her voice is rising in hysteria and Alex watches, mesmerized. “She walked by here every Tuesday at four, because she knew you’d be here. She pointed you out to me. She counted the goddamn minutes forward and realized that her timer would go off on Tuesday at four fifteen and she knew it was going to be you and she fell in love with you without ever knowing you you… you…” She regroups. “Screw you. Screw you and I hope you burn in hell.”

Alex winces as her flip flops smack away. The sound of them on the pavement sounds exactly like a parade of slaps.

John. My soulmate is John.

Something hot and glorious and forbidden is dancing inside him. 

My soulmate, John.

Meet my soulmate and partner, John.

Meet my husband. John Hamilton.  
______________________________________________________________________________

“Why did I agree to this again?” Alexander asked Laurens, clutching his hot chocolate as close as he could.

“Because you’re amazing?” Laurens tried, flashing a grin. “C’mon, Alex, it’s for charity!” Alex drops his gaze to Laurens’ sticker, which proclaims John Laurens! : ).

The little kids volunteering clearly adore him, darting up to him and offering various cans, scampering off when directed which bin to put them in.

He’d be such a good father- he’s literally a cartoon character.

Laurens’ grin slips to shock. “Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.”

Alexander startled. “What? Are you OK? Did I spill hot chocolate on-”

“My wrist. It… it itched or something, and… My soulmate’s here!” Laurens holds up his hand and shows his timer to Alex.

Alexander makes a snap decision that doesn’t even feel like a decision.

“Hey!” He lifts his wrist to his face, forcing a puzzled expression onto his features. “I felt some sort of tingle, too.”

Laurens looks ecstatic.

“Lift up your sleeve, c’mon, lift it up, what’s your time?”

00:00:00:00.

“We’re… you’re… I’m… Oh my God.”

Lauren’s grabs him close and kisses him.

For a few seconds, Alex forgets about That Girl and his deceit- so many, many lies- and Eliza’s sister and her slap. He forgets about turtles and guilt and only focuses on this because Laurens is kissing him and it’s glorious and who cares how they got here because the end totally justified the means.

They separate. Some mother smiles fondly at them, brushes a wistful finger over her own counter, and returns to sorting potatoes, humming a love song quietly.

“I wonder why yours was delayed a bit.” Laurens is flushed and happy and Alexander just shrugs, his stomach leapfrogging.

“I mean, I forgot to cover it in the shower this morning. That might be it.”

The lie is easy on his tongue. How many times has he lied in the past week?

“You goof,” Laurens laughs, shoving Alex a little bit. “I love you.”

The sweet overwhelms the bitter, at least until Alex sees a pretty girl with cinnamon curls wandering around, asking people her age a question, displaying a wrist, and walking away disconsolately. Her name tag reads Martha Manning.

She zeros in on them. She comes closer, creeping up on them like a hawk about to snatch its prey- Alexander’s prey, but Alex panics and says something like let’s get out of here and Laurens doesn’t protest, probably because he has a very different reason to want to get out of the eyes of everyone else and they’re safe.  
______________________________________________________________________________

The wedding is sweet and small. Alexander wanted a city hall marriage, paranoid Eliza or Martha Manning would stand up at the speak now or forever hold your peace or something like that but suddenly it’s over and there’s rice tickling his neck and Laurens drags him into a taxi to the airport and boom! They’re in Hawaii.

Alexander can relax because no one there recognizes them. No one knows anything about them. They’re just another newlywed couple. They get free scratchy plastic leis and a kind old man who works at The Ice Cream Shoppe slips them an extra scoop with a wink and a nod to their ring fingers.

The ring Laurens gave Alexander is slender and dainty, almost feminine, and he can’t help but think how the gold would look on the cocoa hand of Martha Manning.

Alexander got Laurens a silver ring with a vein of Lapis Lazuli running through the middle, and whenever he sees it he thinks of a hot day and a blue sundress and he can hear the sobs of a girl he never knew loved him.

It was worth it. If he had to ruin two lives to be with John, so be it.  
______________________________________________________________________________  
They appear in his dreams.

Eliza and Martha Manning, sitting on a fencepost, quietly watching with empty eyes while Alexander and John shop or eat breakfast or work on a crossword puzzle.  
They never talk but they get closer and closer every time Alexander blinks and smack! Angelica is there, screaming awful things at him. Alexander can swear he feels the sting on his cheek but when he looks in the mirror there is no handprint. Actually, there’s no reflection at all.

John is floating around in a haze of joy and doesn’t notice, and for once Alexander feels a sting of irritation.

Can’t you see I’m going insane?  
______________________________________________________________________________

“That’ll be $11.93,” says a voice and Alexander looks up for the first time.

Cinnamon hair lightly brushed with gray. Cocoa skin. Lipstick slightly lopsided and a few short, orange hairs on her sweater, probably from a cat or dog.  
She’s older, but it’s Martha Manning.

I’m going insane. It’s not real. It’s part of your imagination.

She wears neither wedding ring nor engagement band.

He pays with a twenty, mumbles keep the change and escapes to his study.  
______________________________________________________________________________

John dies and Alexander barely cares.

He was eight-six, people console. He lived a long life and he loved you very much.

“Did he love me?” Alexander wonders aloud to his mirror. “Or did he just believe he would eventually love me because the timers never lie?”

The pain will fade, they swear.

Alexander wants to laugh. What pain? I don’t feel any pain. Why should you?

Alexander waits for the sympathy flowers to die. When they do, he carefully changes the soiled water and puts them on display in the entry hall.

I’m sorry, Eliza. I’m sorry, Martha. 

It wasn’t worth it after all.


End file.
